Change.

“Change? What change? Hmm… Maybe I could change. How could I change? Wow, look how I’ve changed… Oops, I failed.”

So, my bad personality is that I’m a shy person. But it is not that I’m too shy. I enjoy all my time talking to the people around my age, I love talking too, but just talking in person. When I face a bunch of people in front of me, I feel pressured and it makes me forget what I want to say, although I already have it on my mind before. It’s hard for me when I have to face them in front of me. I don’t know why it makes me feel uncomfortable when their eyes are on me. It’s really awkward.

I really hate myself for being shy in front of the people. One of the reason is because it makes my grades down. With my shyness I can’t present well, I can’t do the speech well, everything turn into a mess.

“I definitely will change. Now.” That’s what is going in my mind over and over and I really can’t resist my desire to change. Like it’s burning on my chest. Although I know, sooner or later I will go back into the old me. But at least I have to try. How?

If I think to change my bad personality, I have to ask myself again and again, “Why I have to be shy?”, “What’s the problem?”. My parents, teachers, and my friends also ask me that kind of questions. I think, maybe because I think too much. I think too much about the people, I think too much about what they think of me, until I forget to think about myself. Now, I can figure it out.

But, just to figuring out why I shy, it’s not enough. Something that I can do maybe I should often talk to the people around me in every age, and just feel comfortable with it. Like standing in front of the people, doing the speech or something like that. I have to strengthen my feet although I’m shaking. I have to strengthen my teeth although I keep stuttering. Always try to remind myself that it’s for the better me and my future. Then, if I already do that I will whisper, “It’s okay, Self. You’re doing great.”

I will change my perception about what the other people think about me. Because confidence is not “They will definitely like me”. But confidence is “I will be fine if they don’t”. 🙂

Thank you so much, Miss Kerry, for the first lesson. I’ve learn so much. I’ll always try to remind myself to change me to a better me. That is how I will change my life. If I failed, I know that I can try again until it grows inside me. xx

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